A Certain Kind of Woman

I wanted to be a certain kind of woman. I became that kind of woman. - Diane Von Furstenberg

I constantly find myself split between two ideals of self. I find myself wanting to be a lady, loosely following traditional gender roles and striving to be a respectable, mannered woman. I believe in dressing for yourself and your husband, maintaining some of the 'feminine mystique" if you will. Some may find this old fashioned, and self deprecating even, but I believe find this to be my own form of feminism. I expect respect from all but especially men, who should hold doors and act like gentleman to me and other women around me. This view extends to my views and intentions of raising children. Although I have no plans to quash individuality and expression, I expect my children to respect my authority and learn to become properly dressed, well mannered and respectful people.

The other ideal is of the more natural type. The one who tries to save the world from waste and obsolescence. The one who prays to the moon and loves the smell of fresh flowers. I often wish I could  break my tether to technology and be fully present in nature. Again this side of me extends to my goals for motherhood. I want to wear my babies and clothe them in cloth diapers, for them to fall asleep in my arms around a bonfire after a day of playing in the water under the warm Michigan sun.

The point of this is that there is no one type of person, although I find it hard to comprehend. We are all products of our experiences. Our families, friends, education, and careers shape who we are and who we strive to be. I am everything I've experienced, enjoy, dream about, love, and find solace in. This is the kind of woman I am.

The Power of 29

I read this article the other day about The Power of 29: An Ode to Being Almost 30. This article talks about how around this age, my age, we "give fewer fucks" and start feeling like we're living the lives we set up for ourselves. We also learn to accept the truths about ourselves and our lives. Sometimes it's hard to give up your ideal self and live with your real self. A couple of things I've recently accepted about myself.

My nails, rarely, if ever, will be painted. You're lucky if my toes are painted.

I'll never wear a lot of makeup. If it's a choice between sleeping in and getting up early enough to put on makeup, sleeping in will always win.

I love fashion but hate spending money.

I'm a night owl and will NEVER be an early bird. 

I fucking hate exercise.

I am a homebody. 

I'd rather drink with friends around a fire than drink with friends at a bar.

I'm happy to be middle class with a modest home.

I simultaneously love and hate being a nurse.

I'm sometimes self righteous

I swear. A lot.

There's a lot of power in accepting yourself. I think it actually allows you to focus on your real priorities and living your best life, even without painted nails.