Expecting

In the middle of August as my cycle was coming to an end I started to have the most vivid and intense dreams. I've heard that pregnant women experience this but didn't want to get my hopes up. As the days passed no cramps arrived but there was a mild but constant twinge on the right side in front of my hip. My breasts were sore but only slightly more than any other month. I was a day late when I decided to test and saw a line quickly appear in the test window. It was an emotional time with the death of one of Mike's friends only the day before we found out. We told our family and closest friends and made an appointment to see the midwife.

The first week after we found out I was pregnant was full of emotions. I remember being at work and every time I remembered that I was pregnant and my stomach would drop a little. We went to the River House and I voiced my fears and anxiety about this big change. My obsessive thoughts got the best of my and the first  month or so pregnancy were wrought with anxiety and tears. I questioned whether it was the right decision for me to carry a child. Fortunately, with help from my doc and a wonderful psychiatrist, the fog lifted and I returned to my old self. It was the most relief I've ever experienced.

I was feeling much better emotionally when the morning sickness kicked in. I was sick all the time, often throwing up at work with little sympathy from the management of a short staffed floor. But the sickness I could handle. I'd look in the mirror in our bathroom every time I walked by to check and see if my belly was getting any bigger. By 12 weeks we'd seen the midwife and a maternal fetal medicine doc for our ultrasound and found out that the baby looked beautiful with incredibly low risk for genetic disorders. We couldn't tell, but I felt pretty sure it was a boy.

I told a couple of close friends at work right away. I told my manager around 6 weeks and told her I was interested in switching to days. I had been working nights for almost a full year, and although I loved having the time with Mike, I was not sleeping at night and sleeping all day everyday, not just between shifts. I also figured it would be better for me to get on a normal sleep schedule during pregnancy. I was told I'd have to wait until the New Year, which was fine, so I continued working night shift but was down to 2 nights a week.

One night before work I felt my heart racing and upon arriving at work found my heart rate to be 140. My manager called down to L&D and the nurses encouraged me to come down to triage. I went down, was told I was dehydrated, given a liter of fluid and some zofran and told to go home. A week or so had passed, I had been switched to day shift earlier than expected (it was mid November), and I could feel my heart racing again. I was in the 150s, starting to get worried, and was sent home. An ER visit, a holter monitor, a cardiologist and an echo showed pregnancy induced sinus tachycardia. No risk to the baby, no need for medication, no problems with my heart and the reassurance that it would go away after pregnancy. I was told to take it easy with no intense cardio (me?). During our 20 week appointment, the maternal fetal medicine doc discussed the low risk of pulmonary embolism and the need to take it easy on the IV fluids when in labor. This appointment also informed us of the gender of our little honeybee.

The day of our ultrasound, Mike and I were both off work and were planning to make a day of it. We got dressed up and went to the ultrasound. The tech, unenthusiastically announced it was a girl, and Mike and I were taken aback. I was certain it was a boy and with six nieces and no nephews between us it was definitely the hope of a few family members that we'd finally have the first boy. We didn't get to look at her face as that's where she loves to keep her hands (even in the 12 week ultrasound) . We went to dinner afterward and started talking names. After a few days we were back to our usual level of excitement. I started putting ideas together for her nursery, settled on her name and now I couldn't imagine having a boy.

I don't know why it took me so long to write about this pregnancy. I guess living with family and not having a home to care for, decorating for the holidays or having access to our usual things has left me uninspired. But I couldn't let my whole pregnancy go by undocumented. Despite the tough times, I love being pregnant. I'm 31 weeks and this little girl is full of wiggles all the time. The nursery is almost done and we're starting to get ready for the big day that we meet our sweet honeybee.